Reflections of Old

Written 6/2/11

Anonymity may be the only way to express.
And through expression dissect.
And through dissection, purge.
Purgatory for my lost soul is my path to salvation,

Everything I write will be truth,
In all it's subjective,
          Occasionally exaggerated form.

Names will be abbreviated to protect the insane, the jealous,
And those that may plot my murder.
But mostly to hide the embarrassed.

Do not look to me as someone who has any answers.
I have no insight except possibly into my own messed up existence.
Or so I hope.

I am flawed in every sense of the word.
Even my strengths are weak as I look at them now,
But what I strive for is to rebuild.
To work from the bare earth and build the house that is my life from the foundation up.

I will dissect and analyze my existence.
As Descartes strove to do,
I will attempt to build only on truths that withstand doubt, attack or erosion.

So as most the first question that I should get out of the way:
Do I believe God exists?
Yes.
Unequivocally.
Yes.
God is at work in my life.
Fate and coincidence.
They have to be part of the master plan,
And things are put in my life for a reason.

There are too many, even when my karma does not warrant it for me to believe in karma alone.
There are places I am meant to be.
People that are in my life for a reason,
That are there to lend a helping hand and eager ear.

Similarly, what is it I want in life?
What is it that anybody wants in life?
To be happy.
To be healthy.
To be thriving.
I'd say love but then I'd almost be too specific.

I have love. Lots of different kinds.
Its such a complex emotion.
I can even love someone that I feel betrays me time and time again.
No, 'betrays' is too harsh.
But who angers, frustrates, and saddens me.
I am too soft-hearted.
Too ready to love and welcome people in.